Are You A Lousy Kisser?
Words Laura Roberson
I’ve kissed a lot of men in my life. But there’s one man I’ll remember forever, and not because he had lips like Ryan Phillippe’s. Our kiss happened on a balmy summer night as we lay curled on the grass beneath a tree. It was the perfect setup for a hot smooch—the kind that makes a girl want to sling a man against a wall (or tree) and have her way with him.
At least that’s the kind of kiss I was hoping for. Instead, the guy went after my face like a Hoover WindTunnel. With a rush of saliva and forced passion, his lips overtook my mouth, my chin, and at some points, my nose. I couldn’t breathe, and he mistook my gasps for moans of pleasure. Needless to say, he never got near my lips—or any other part of my body—again.
I’m hardly the Simon Cowell of kissing; I’m just a woman. And women use kissing as a way to assess a potential partner—to decide whether sex is in the cards. Kissing can be one of the hottest forms of foreplay, a way I explore and appreciate my partner’s lips and tongue and the feel of his body . . . if he does it correctly. But don’t just take my word for it. We asked 7,274 women to rank the kisses that make their lips curl and consulted top sex experts on how you can do better.
Your technique is fine, but your breath could clear a room
Belacan breath says more than just “nasi lemak sambal.” “It suggests you’re sloppy and not good with hygiene,” says William Cane, author of The Art of Kissing. But there’s also an evolutionary factor at play: Kissing is one way of assessing your health, and her primal brain may interpret a less-than-pleasant scent as a sign of your inability to fight off germs, according to a 2010 University at Albany study review. “Women have a much stronger olfactory sense than men have,” says sex therapist Victoria Zdrok Wilson, author of The 30-Day Sex Solution. And unlike other sensory input, scent is processed almost immediately— the olfactory bulb is directly connected to the brain. So bad breath produces a more visceral (and disgusted) reaction.
SMOOCH SAVER Koalas may be onto something. Chewing eucalyptus-extract gum does more than just mask foul-smelling volatile sulfur compounds on your tongue—it can actually wipe them out, a 2010 Japanese study found. Try Wrigley’s Airwaves Menthol & Eucalyptus Sugarfree Gum. These contain a probiotic that can suppress the growth of bad-breath bacteria.
You’re drooling like a hound dog
In your mind, any kind of moisture from her signals receptivity. But a flood of saliva coming from you just grosses her out. “I interviewed women about girl-on-girl experiences, and they all said, ‘Oh, I’m not bisexual. I just enjoy kissing women because they don’t slobber all over me,’ ” says Zdrok Wilson. “Women’s kisses are gentler and more hygienically pleasant.” Why do men prefer wetter kisses? “Men also assess women through kisses, but because men have reduced chemosensory detection, they may need more saliva to do that,” says Susan Hughes, an evolutionary psychologist at Albright College, in Pennsylvania. Plus, since your saliva contains testosterone, you may be driven to swap spit to try to make her hornier faster.
SMOOCH SAVER A mouth as dry as the Gobi Desert is even worse than one primed with saliva, so you need to ease into the waterworks. “After a few minutes, when the kiss is more intense, women are less displeased by saliva,” says Cane. “As she becomes more excited, her turn-ons change.” Start with feathery kisses, lightly flicking the tips of your tongues together. “You’ll produce less saliva that way,” says Cane. “Plus, the tip of the tongue is very sensitive—it feels quite good.” If French kissing is in your plans, think ahead and have a glass of water (or wine) handy. Taking an occasional swig can wash down excess saliva, he says.
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Image from Stockexchange
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