Opposites Attract (Part 1)
Doing the exact opposite of what conventional wisdom suggests.
All the clichés and commonplaces you’ve been told about sex and relationships are wrong – but turn it around and you might fix it and there’s a study to back this up. Twenty years of solid observation and analysis by Dr. Terri Orbuch, professor of psychology and sociology at the University of Michigan’s Institute for Social Research(ISR), will give your relationship the combined benefits of the thousands she has studied.
“Talking things over is the key to a healthy relationship”
Flip this around. Talk less but don’t be completely mute about it. Orbuch 22-year study suggests that men have a very different psychological tolerance for how much they can discuss their relationship. When men hear the phrase ‘let’s talk about us’, they perceive it as a negative connotation.
What you can do is to initiate occasional pillow-talk, rather than her bringing the chat up. Women find relationship chat a turn on. “Women feel a psychological attachment to men who talk to them about something they place such great importance upon, which can increase their sexual attraction to you,” explains Orbuch. If she does initiate the chat, don’t worry – studies found that women are likely to discuss things even when the relationship is healthy and derive just as much pleasure from it. It’s not going to be all bad.
“Cheat and she’ll never forgive you”
Men like to think that ‘everyone makes mistakes’. She truly believes that ‘once a cheat, always a cheat’. But trust can be rebuilt as long as both parties are willing to commit. “Assess your level of ‘benevolence’,” says Orbuch. “If you don’t think that you can put her needs first, then you should not seek to rebuild trust.” If you’re lacking in this department, it’s probably the reason why you made the ‘mistake’ in the first place.
However, if you’re feeling benevolent, use physical communication to turn ‘sorry’ into something truly persuasive.
- Come clean “Go to your partner and own up. Women mistrust an apology if they have had to ask for it, so don’t wait for her to discover your misdemeanor.”
- Be serious “Being earnest is a much better policy than playing for laughs. Guarantee a quicker win by playing it straight.”
- Front and centre “Non verbal cues are crucial. Make sure your body is ‘fully present’”. Don’t let any part of you to be out of her field of vision.
More about opposite types, having kids and happy couples (Opposites Attract Pt. 2).
Image by Inmagine.